I just spent the last thirty minutes bouncing my little boy in hopes of being able to put him down for his nap. He doesn’t agree with my napping plan. Infants rarely agree with anything really.
The IPCC Report for 2022 just came out. It has a way to peak my anxiety. I’m afraid for the type of life my son will have. Terrible scenarios come to mind. Drowning, famine, heat, fire. And then I hurt for all the families on this planet that already face this. The children that go to bed hungry.
Anxiety is difficult by definition, because it stems from things you can’t control.
I grab the latest cloth diaper and spray it to rinse it. Maybe we will get a bidet once we have the budget. Although I doubt my husband would give up using toilet paper. Plus, it’s not like a bidet would help with soiled diapers.
In the pail it goes with the others to be lugged to the basement. I open the lid and the ammonia scent bursts forth. To remove that smell, it will need a total of three cycles: a long rinse, a soap cycle and another shorter rinse cycle. I tried my regular greener soap, but after a few months, it could no longer wash the ammonia smell away. Lesson learned, it takes enzymes to break apart human matter. And so, I switched to Tide. I know there is no avoiding the soap or the amount of water needed. Our washing machine uses less water, this is somewhat of a consolation. It’s always better than the alternative. Right? It is worth the extra work and sacrificing a nap for myself. Right?!!
This brings the train of my thoughts to my greener soap. It’s difficult to tell if greener solutions are really greener or just green washed. The ramifications extend far like the roots of the trees we so desperately need to protect. What is it made of? How was it made? How were its ingredients collected? How far did it travel? How is its waste managed? The list of questions goes on and on, and it seems you can’t trust anyone’s answer.
I keep hearing that really, our individual actions amount to nothing compared to the actions of a handful of corporations. That there is no point in preparing financially for retirement with a looming financial collapse, but that we should still do so, because not doing so equates to giving up. I think back on this time, while I was pregnant, when a woman told me that having children now is inhumane. Cruel words born of fear I suppose.
Stop.
I open a breathing app, both to clear the scent of ammonia and the anxiety from my brain. Hopefully, I can rein in my thoughts.
Breath for four. Hold for four. Exhale for four. Wait for four. Repeat.
There, maybe next summer, I will plant a tree. What else can you do?
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This is a piece I started after the 2022 IPCC Report was published. Spoiler: it was bleak. With the Fridays for the Future Global Climate Strike tomorrow, it seemed like a good time to revisit it.